Ashes

It’s got cold again, and we’re expecting snow and ice overnight.  Every so often we get these little reminders that it’s still “in the deep midwinter” and therefore cold is to be expected.  For reasons that are not clear, I’ve been in pain for most of the day, and we discovered that I have a bruise on my back for which I cannot account.  I don’t remember bumping into anything, which would cause a bruise, and I don’t sleep walk, which was the only other explanation offered.  Jerry is happy, since my support worker was here today, and he got to greet her — it was too funny; he leapt off my lap and raced to meet her so fast that he turned a somersault and skidded to her feet in a tangle of legs.  Don was pretty good today, and had planned things which I had to spoil because of my pain.  I’m continuing to find things to eat, which remains a challenge.  Very annoying, especially since it’s been going on so long!  When I report to my medical team, they’re saying, “that’s not unusual, is it?” So clearly it’s been going on far too long!  My weight dropped by a half-kilo again in the last week and a bit, so we need to correct this, stat!  I’m not pleased.

I was listening to the Trinidadian Archbishop’s homily at Ash Wednesday mass today.  I rather like his style of preaching, as I think I’ve said before, as he’s occasionally colloquial in his speech.  He, like every other priest today, talked about the importance of Lent and its observance.  He talked about the three facets of Lenten devotion, which are of course, prayer, fasting and alms giving.  Today’s reading (Mt 6:1-6,16-18) is the one that’s used to talk about how to observe religious obligations.  There are two things that I took from today’s homily that I’d like to share.  The first is the instructions on how to meet your obligations.  The passage goes on at length about the things that are to be done in secret and those to be done to be seen.  It says that when you’re fasting, and praying, do it in secret.  Don’t broadcast to everyone that you’re fasting; don’t brag about your charitable donations, don’t call attention to your religious observances.  It says that if you do make a production of your acts, “you have had your reward,” which suddenly clicked to me today.  Keeping your acts private is one of those things that helps develop deeper contemplation, as you’re not seeking praise or accolades for doing them.  That allows you to deepen your understanding of life, and to bolster your internal resources.  That actually aligns with my opinions of religious observations, where I am sceptical of people who are loudly and overtly “religious” but whose behaviour contradicts their avowed beliefs.  So the ones who flood my inbox with “prayers” and then with hatred, in my opinion, have had their reward.  

The other item that I took from the sermon was the discussion on fasting from gossip and slander.  The archbishop pointed out that when we dwell in negativity and anger, we have little to no time to spend on being kind, caring or to develop concern for others.  Time spent in denigrating others, passing on rumours and in mocking people is time that could be spent doing good.  That’s also something that resonates with me, because we can either be helpful or hurtful.  I find that sometimes I have little to no sympathy for certain people, which is reduced when I see attempts to tug at my heart strings.  I will have to work on that a bit this season, to ensure that I’m not unfairly antagonistic to those in need.  I was saying to someone that I sympathize with many people who are homeless, but there are some for whom I just feel contempt or annoyance.  I think I’ll work on not judging…

I won’t blather on too long about religious belief; I’m going to do my nightly puppy duties, so I’m off while my toes are unattached!  Good night.