Temptation

I woke up to a white world; it snowed a bit this morning, but it stopped mid morning and continues to be cold.  The forecast apparently calls for the cold snap to break soon, but it’s still winter and there is a tradition of at least one big storm in March, usually in the first week, so we’ll see.  I was woken up this morning at 3:30 by someone who called from the front door — I didn’t answer, but it did interfere with my sleep — then my support worker showed up before 9:00, so my sleep was very fractured.  I haven’t been able to sleep during the day today, and just now I feel wrung out.  My back persists in not behaving, but I’m also not taxing it, so hopefully… hopefully!  Jerry, little darling, arranged himself along my tummy this morning, stretched out on his back and looked so comfortable that I felt guilty about getting him up when the worker arrived.  Don was also woken up by the phone and the worker, but he fell asleep while I was watching the Mass, and so got a good rest.  He’s making spaghetti sauce now, vegetarian because I don’t eat beef, but will portion out some for me and then add his beef to his; I add mushrooms to mine.  We worked this out years ago, so no arguments and everyone enjoys their meal.

I’ve been happily indulging in rereading some work by a virtual friend, who I’d met online.  She writes very evocative imagery, and I get lost in her work.  I mention this because I’ve realized that every author has not just a signature style, but can often use particular phrases buried in their work.  One writer, for example, uses the phrase, “still, grey, to all appearances dead,” and often uses describes professionals as “the great” (doctor / lawyer / teacher).  Another refers to “piercing, steely eyes” and a third tends to refer to an “artist’s palette” to describe sunsets and sunrises.  I found it interesting when I thought about it and realized that I can probably identify many of my favourite authors from clips of their writing, even from works that I haven’t read.  I then started thinking about the patterns that we use in speech and the phrases that my friends use when we talk to each other, and then wondered about my own repeated expressions.  I know they’re unconscious, and we’re unaware of our personal idiosyncrasies so I wondered how many of us can identify the patterns we use.  

I also realized that most of the literature that I read focuses on heterosexual relationships; I’m not into romance novels or “chick lit” (which in my mind is just endless whining and drama without any meaningful resolution) so the relationships are often background.  In my preferred genres, romance exists, but isn’t the focus. The books more often touch on issues that are dealt with differently; in one, for instance, the author flipped gender roles so that societies were more matriarchal and men were treated as being second class citizens; so that women inherit in preference to their brothers, and they needed a woman’s permission to marry or hold a job.  It’s an interesting approach, and it was definitely worth reading that men weren’t allowed to rule.  It was also intriguing to read someone writing in defence of lesbian relationships in the early part of the twentieth century, where the women would have lost their jobs and any hope of a livelihood if they were identified as being gay; it was a time when men were arrested and abused for being suspected of being gay.  Consider Nazi Germany, where people were imprisoned for being Jewish, gay, disabled, non-white… I have to ask the question of why do people not accept differences?  Why go to violence?  I don’t get it.  If you don’t like someone, avoid them.  But beating someone because they’re gay?  Says a lot about the insecurities of the abuser and their mental failings, doesn’t it?

So there’s one of my idiosyncrasies— ahimsa and “love thy neighbour” are some common themes that I use.  I’d love it if we were less angry and violent and more inclined to kindness in all areas; acceptance and inclusivity.  Now, I answer to a tiny dictator, whose demands are implacable, and right now he says it’s time for his tummy to be rubbed… Good night!