After effects

It’s been a bit overcast today, although it was somewhat milder than a couple of days ago.  It’s late evening, though, so time for blankets and warm throws.  I’m waiting for the next half-hour to pass so I can eat after taking my meds and I’m looking forward to a hot cup of something to take the chill off the air.  Jerry is by my feet, guarding me closely, as I had taken a nap this afternoon, shutting him out of the bedroom.  As soon as I opened the door, I heard the click of his claws on the floor and was jumped on by an excited little puppy.  Don seems to be feeling a bit more like himself, and is up and around a little more, which makes me very happy.  I don’t like it when he’s sick; I’d rather put up with sports than with him being sick, honestly!

So on Thursday I got my flu shot, and was swaggering that I had no reaction.  That lasted until I woke up yesterday and was so completely drained that I could do nothing.  I didn’t feel like eating, I had no energy, the world was uneven and my balance was off.  When my support worker arrived, she bathed me and at my request put me to bed around 4pm.  I slept for a few hours, took my meds, got up and had had something to eat, then was back in bed by 10:30.  I feel better today, still a little tired, but so much improved over yesterday!  I’m still resting up, and should, I hope, be restored soon.  I was supposed to have met some friends for dinner, but that obviously didn’t happen.  We’ll try for another time when I hope I won’t have to back out at the last minute due to ill health.  Meanwhile, yesterday Daddy walked unassisted from the bedroom to the dining room; the nurse sent a video showing him walking, saying that he did it himself.  We were all very excited, as he’d been complaining that he can’t walk.  He’s a little annoyed with her because she’s very strict about following the regime for things like medication, exercise, meals, etc, and he’s used to dictating what he wants.  We give her our full support, as we obviously want Daddy to regain as much of his movement as possible, plus it’s admittedly amusing to watch the autocratic Mr. Crosby being told that he has to follow orders instead of giving them!  He looks brighter, sounds stronger and is clearly improving, but he really doesn’t like being a patient.

I know that I’ve lost quite a lot of weight lately, and many of my clothes do not fit appropriately.  Some slide off my shoulders, some emphasize my hernia too much, some look like I borrowed my mom’s things… you know the thing.  However, on Thursday, I took my trench coat, which used to fit me precisely and I can almost fit another person in there with me!  I couldn’t believe it.  There’s a moment of incongruity between reality and my internal self image.  My shawls and wraps, of course, are fine — I just cuddle into them.  But my coats!  I have to reevaluate my self image and I’m not fully aware of what I look like yet.  Obviously I have mirrors, but the clothes that I really like do not flatter me, and I don’t have the fortitude to replace them yet.  My weight has bounced through some extremes, and part of me thinks that removing the things that don’t fit would mean that if my weight climbs up again, I’ll have nothing; I think also that I don’t really go anywhere so I don’t need many clothes; or that I’ve been wearing the same thing at home for years and I’m tired of them, and various other yo-yoing thoughts.  I get to the point that I should buy 2-3 things — tops, pants, dress — and a couple of coats that fit properly, which should take care of most of my angst.  I need some reassurance that it’s not being greedy, self-indulgent or selfish to do that, please!

My reminder just went off that I have to change my meds, so I’m off to do that and put the kettle on.  Hope that you enjoy the rest of your weekend, and you’re able to have fun doing whatever you most prefer.  Good night!