Late October

It’s overcast but definitely warm today.  It’s nice to have that instead of a chilly wind making me shiver.  The sky is getting dark, although it’s quite early and it feel like rain is imminent.  The weekend forecast is for more rain and the beginning of “seasonal temperatures” 🤢  I’ll definitely have to adjust a bit more to cooler weather.  Jerry was napping on my lap until I got up to arrange something for my lunch.  He would just adjust himself to present whatever area of himself that he wanted to have scratched.  Yesterday morning, in a fit of schnauzerness, he stole my socks (I usually wear a pair of socks to sleep) shook them like he was a rocker, and then ran off to hide them.  I still haven’t found one side, and he just looks very proud of himself when I ask for it.  There are days when I’d like to know what he’s thinking, but most of the time it’s probably a good thing that I don’t, because I don’t want to be reduced to “my pillow” or “food provider” or something similar!  Don’s doing pretty well, although he’s somehow largely switched his sleep schedule to be awake during most of the night and asleep during the day.  I think that’s got a lot to do with the sports, which sometimes play until the small hours of the morning, when I (and Jerry) are both fast asleep!

For some reason that I can’t explain, the night before last I was awake every hour on the hour from midnight to 4am with “digestive distress” so I never woke up until nearly noon because I felt so drained.  My sugar levels were very low — below 3.5 — and when I tried to drink some tea, I promptly threw it up.  I really have no idea what caused that.  My sister arranged to have lunch delivered to me, thanks very much!  It turned into 2 meals for me, but I did manage to eat most of what she sent over.  I didn’t sleep too well last night either, as I kept waking up in some pain in my ankles.  It’s very bizarre, and I have no idea why things are suddenly so strange.  I still haven’t got a call back from the care agency, nor have I had a visit.  I understand the argument that one of my friends was making about my gender bias, and I’m aware of it — even in hospital, I’ve never had a male orderly bathe me; it’s always been a woman.  In the meanwhile, I hope that there will be a worker assigned to me soon; it’s been almost a week since I last had a visit.

In other areas, I’m starting the next round of grant reviews; the reports are due in early November and I keep reminding myself not to wait until the last minute before starting to write my assessments.  Thankfully I’ve completed my training, including the updated one, so now comes the fun part of learning enough microbiology and biochemistry to make sense of some of the papers.  I’m a little intimidated by some of my co-reviewers, even the ones who are like me, non-technical, as some are retired nurses, one’s a retired cancer researcher, and another has an advanced degree in a field related to this type of analysis.  Throughout my career, I’ve worked in fields that had no relationship to my university training, but I managed to learn enough to be at least competent, and to contribute meaningfully.  When I read these documents, I am humbled by the overwhelming experience and understanding that my colleagues possess.  I know, I’m not there for my scientific knowledge but for my lived experience with cancer and treatments.  (And my fluency in French.  Which is helpful for the few applicants we receive to be assessed in their own language.)

I know it’s early today, but I am feeling a bit drained, so I’m going to head in a bit early. It would be nice if things settled down a little and I have more energy.  So far, the little dog hasn’t moved off of Don, so I’ll take advantage and go back to my books.  Good night!