Long weekend

This is me, 6 years ago this weekend, when I was visiting my sister in Toronto.  At the time, I had no cane, was able to use public transit easily and could walk at the lakeshore over uneven rocks.    Time does make differences in life, doesn’t it?  Jerry was very excited when my support worker came over, and has been in a playful mood all day.  He’s trying to persuade me to give him another blanket (he’s got 2) to add to his pile of comfort.  He’s also letting me know that feeding him dry dog food is an insult to him, please adjust accordingly.  (Not happening.)  Don is happy to have sold off a few things he no longer needs, I’m happy he’s happy, and he has a few more items listed for removal.  All 3 of his teams have been eliminated from the playoffs, so that just leaves baseball until the football seasons start.  I’ll have maybe a week of no sports in the next few months, and I’m trying to persuade him that we should consider a road trip this summer.  We’ll see how things go…

It dawned on me today — after 6 days — that I’m on chemotherapy, and not just a “pill.”  I noticed the gradual changes to my taste: food tastes metallic which is unappetizing; I feel tired, and could probably sleep for a few more hours to regain energy.  I was talking about this to someone today, and they said, “so how’s the chemo going?” That’s when the penny dropped and I made the connection.  I rechecked my “side-effects and when to call my doctor” list, and nothing has risen to that level yet.  The ones I have are all on the “should go away after some time” list, so we’ll see.  For the record, my temperature and so on are all normal, so it’s fine.    As you know, my medical team (who are unparalleled and totes amazeballs) monitor me closely, so if anything changes, there will be phone calls and texts flying as I work diligently to avoid going to the Emergency Room.

I get a daily (mostly; except Thursday) email from my parish with a short meditation on the day’s reading. Today’s I found especially meaningful, so please excuse while I share it here.  It’s quotes from Pope Francis (who I like tremendously, any haters please exit now.)  

“Once a philosopher said something more or less like this: ‘I do not understand how one can believe today, because those who say they believe have a face from a funeral wake.'  Many Christians have that face — yes, a face from a funeral wake, a face of sadness.  But Christ is risen! Christ loves you! And you have no joy?”  And he goes on:  “Think well today: how do I behave? Am I a joyful person who knows how to transmit the joy of being Christian, or am I always like those sad people, as I said before, who seem to be at a funeral wake?  If I do not have the joy of my faith, I cannot bear witness and others will say, ‘But if faith is so sad, it is better not to have it.'”

I couldn’t really express that better myself.  If your faith makes you that unhappy, it’s not worth having, and the only way you can share it is through fear — and we’ve learned (or should have, anyway) that that’s not a way to build a community.  I’ll add that I know a lot of people who call themselves ‘believers’ and for some of them, I’d run a mile rather than hear about their religion; they’re harsh, judgemental, miserable, joy-sucking vampires who are advocates for the Enemy (or as C. S. Lewis wrote, “Our father below”)  Then there are those who are so full of love, joy, peace, kindness that you want to be around them.  Some of them (as with the miseries) do not profess any religion, and that’s great.  The ones that do, are not all Christian but they are better examples of Christianity than some church-goers.  

I’ve got to go eat so I can take my pill later tonight.  I’ll leave you with the thought that if you’re not happy with your faith; if you can only look around and see the negative things in the world, then perhaps you need to reassess where you are.  There are all kinds of things that we can do to adjust how we see life, and I am of the firm opinion that although there are terrible things going on, there’s  also a lot of joy to be found.  Like being the designated tummy massager for a tiny black dog who is super cute and loving, even though he can be mischievous.  I recommend it!  Good night.