Thinking

We're in winter. No question about it. It snowed off and on all day, but the temperature hovered around freezing, so there's a lot of slush. It's also that level of chilly damp where the cold seeps into your body. Inside, wearing a cozy sweater, wrapped in a blanket and with a dog on your lap is the current behaviour. Don has a fan blowing on him, since it seems to help with his breathing, but meanwhile I feel cold. Ah, the negotiations of room temperature.. Only Jerry is neutral-he just moves from one lap to another to get as comfortable as possible!

I've noticed that sometimes a topic will appear in several places in close proximity. For me, that was in the last few days the subject of grief has become prominent. A friend forwarded a podcast that talked about grief-over the death of a parent-and how coping with it is a necessary part of self-care. Another friend called to let me know of the serious illness of someone we know. I learned of the death of a friend's son. By coincidence-or one of those existential jokes that occur- several episodes of some TV shows all focussed on death, loss and memories. And, because jokes abound, I received 2 emails on estate planning and wills. All in the last 3 or so days! Let me be clear- I'm not planning to "shuffle off this mortal coil" any time soon, and honestly, I've lost enough people in the past 2 months to last for a long while, please and thanks! But all of these incidences are making me reflect. Lets start with the inevitability of it. We all meet that marker at some point. Personally, I'd prefer to defer it a few centuries. It's also permanent. There's no return option. Plus there are questions-is there an afterlife? If so, what's it like? What happens there? Is this all there is? Why do we-collectively- seem to want to wait until after someone dies to tell them how much we love them? Why don't we love, honour and celebrate each other while we're together? Wouldn't it be better to share our love when we can physically talk, instead of carrying grudges long past the time we've forgotten the cause? I'm astounded at how many living parents are neglected or the subject of anger, but on their deaths are suddenly hailed as being "the best ever."

I believe that there is an afterlife, although I'm not sure of its form. I mean, some of the earliest civilizations conceived of it as either eternally labouring in celestial fields, with a few souls having an exalted life; or that souls live in a shadowy place as long as at least one living person offered sacrifice for them, then they fade into oblivion. In some civilizations they sleep until they are reborn. And so on-we've got a plethora of ideas on what lies beyond. My specific theology is a blend of different views-for instance, I think that there is both rebirth and a final judgement.  I'm fairly sure that lying on clouds playing harps is likely to be the least populated version of an afterlife. I believe that it is a good thing to pray for and remember those who have gone before us.  I also think that those who loved us will always love us.  In any case, what is most important in my view is that our present life should be devoted to the wellbeing of others- that we should choose love, kindness and mercy over anger, harshness and vengeance. Sometimes we need "tough love" or "strict justice" to preserve the greater good-we can discuss the question of justice vs. mercy at another time as an exercise for graduate students (Hi, Uncle P!!)

Grief is hard. I don't think that's a controversial statement. We each handle it differently, and our ability to cope can also vary depending on several factors. I admit, reluctantly, that I'm grieving badly right now. A lot of the time I can just go on with my daily activities, but sometimes... Knowing that I can' t talk to some people who I love is painful. Dealing with my condition... so many people say, "hang in there," or "God doesn't give you more than you can bear..." that I've got an automatic response for them. It's not possible, but I'd love to be able to go back in time, so we could find and treat this before it became such an issue. Clarence-what do you say? Could I get to experience life without cancer? Oh, I'm stopping here. I will melt into a puddle of self- pity if I keep this up. Good night!