Prep

 

A day where the weather took on that dreadful bone-chilling damp as we got ice rain. For my tropical friends, that's where the trees look all fairytale glassed over. while the streets become skating rinks. It's the kind of weather that you enjoy most from the comfort of your cozy blanket fort. Jerry has been on my lap, blocking my screen and stopping me from using my tablet. Don is watching the world Junior Hockey finals, and rooting for Canada (of course).

Yesterday was more exhausting than I'd realized, from an emotional standpoint. I was quite anxious when I was waiting for the doctor, and when he started going through the scans. I know that each time I go through these treatments it moves one from the "things to try" column over to the "done all we can" column, and when that fills up I'll be on final notice and out of options. I'd love it if we found a treatment that added decades to my life, and removes the tumours. Every time I go to these appointments, the fear that we can't treat rears its head, and logic fails me. My emotions run amok, and it takes an effort to remain calm, optimistic and functional. Relief wipes me out a bit; I'm happy that we've still got options, and, God willing, we'll have a year or more before the next round. I know that chemo is upcoming- the "to be continued" from last summer's interrupted sessions - and equally I hope that gives us a couple of years. I'm not unreasonable enough to expect a full cure, but a few years' delay is within the realm of possibility.

It's that time in winter where it's going to become cold, icy, snowy and a source of misery. My support worker is excitedly looking forward to wearing her new winter coat and retiring her older, too tight one. I don't share her enthusiasm, but I followed her lead and checked over my stuff and spent some time this afternoon cleaning my boots and repairing gloves. My coat is fine, thankfully, and my boots are done the first phase of cleaning, and will be finished over the next 2 days. The process is long; it means using saddle soap, salt-stain remover, oil and waterproof spray. There's several hours between stages, but it's worth the effort. Prolongs the life of my super-cozy-comfy-warm feels-like-wearing-bedroom-slippers mukluks. I'm very tempted to get a second pair, but I've refrained since I really don't have many places to go that require multiple mukluks. It's a similar situation with dress shopping. I haven't done much in the last 3 years. In fact, the new dresses I recently got were gifts from friends. It's a slightly higher priority as many of my clothes hang off me, but at home I'm in the same 4- 5 items...

Thanks to everyone for your input on last night's question. Yes, it is frustrating and annoying that it's so difficult to get a doctor. I agree with the person who pointed out that it's concerning that the clinic has vacancies when every other office is losing doctors, especially when they haven't added personnel in at least 2 years. I hadn't realized that until it was pointed out in that email-thanks P for that observation. It does beg the question of the quality of care. Heartfelt, huge thank you to B for his help in reaching out to his network to seek help. I am immensely grateful. I continue to search; maybe one office will just say, "OK, stop calling and come in here!" (Too optimistic? LOL) Have a good evening!