Thursday storm

It’s a summer Thursday so there was the weekly thunderstorm warning, which arrived about 5 minutes before almost 5 full hours of a heavy deluge!  Apparently 50mm of rain fell in under an hour!  There were flash floods on some streets and cars were stranded in deep water.  Don was driving like he was sitting on a porcupine as we went to my appointment.  We passed one car that had stalled at an unfortunate location as the rain streamed down.  Jerry was very unhappy with the storm; he curled up on my lap in the car and hid his face against me.  When we got to the hospital, I got out of the car, pushed the door and dashed in… but then realized that I’d left the door open.  Don used his cane to try and close it, the rain was so heavy.  I almost expected to see Noah loading up the animals at one point!  The temperature dropped from 27C to 15C in about 20 minutes; by the time we got home, I put on my oversized cozy and climbed into bed for a couple of hours to warm up.

My appointment went well.  The hospital is trying to rotate the doctors so my pain management doctor (who was really the only one assigned to the cancer centre) could get some time off… normally I’m not fond of switching my doctors, but this one I had met 2 years ago when I had my spinal surgery.  We’d talked for a while, and we remembered when we met — a truly miserable day for me when I was in blinding pain and he’d tried to help me.  It’s also pleasant, but unusual, to have a doctor who refers to God in a session. I’m glad he did; he remembered that my faith is important to me, and it’s comforting to hear that. On another note, Don commented that my voice seems to have changed; he says that I speak very softly and I’m sounding “very Trinidadian” so he can’t understand me.  I’m of the view that his hearing needs to be evaluated but he disagrees.

Quick update — my drugs did arrive last night just after 8pm when my moments of 😱 were escalating.  They seem intent on testing my heart as this is the second time it’s happened.  One friend asked, “Why did you wait until the last minute?”  I had to take a few moments to breathe and not scream at them.  I explained, calmly, that I didn’t, but given that it’s a heavily controlled drug it can only be dispensed in limited amounts at specific dates.  I can request it up to 2 days early, which I did, but the pharmacist (a new one; I may need to make a special trip in to introduce myself to the new staff) wasn’t putting in any extra effort to get it on time.  When I called back, I got one of the staff who knows me, and they took care of it.  The fun of dealing with all these things, ent?

I’m having an issue where my mind has these plans for me, while my body is just laughing maniacally at them.  I’d like to visit home.  That’s not in dispute.  However, I’m also considering the reality of my body and my strength.  A 6-hour flight means about 10 hours in a wheelchair between time waiting for the flight, the flight itself, and then the disembarkation process.  That’s painful and exhausting to me, and I need at least a week to recover from that.  Then do it all in reverse.  Remembering, too, that I have an extra trip to get from Toronto to Ottawa, which is another 4+ hours, (1-hour flight plus airport time or a 4-hour train ride) so that it takes longer to recover, even if I break the trip and spend a couple of days with the small people.  Add to that my difficulty breathing when it’s hot and humid, and I wonder if it’s really a good idea to make the trip.  I’ve got other ideas of visiting friends and relatives in other cities, and countries, with the same considerations hanging over my head.  I badly want to see these people who have been distant due to the pandemic, and part of me wonders if I’m letting fear rule my decision making, or whether it’s the right choice.  I can’t be away from home for more than about 3 weeks at a time with my assorted obligations which also limits the “obvious” solution of going to Trinidad for 5 - 6 weeks so I can recover and still have a chance to do things.  Looking for your thoughts…

I’m going to get something to eat.  I’ve got a brief moment where the tiny dictator is dozing on his toy so I can sneak into the kitchen and get my meal.Good night!