Ad astra per aspera

 Today was technically a day of rest, where I did not have to do much, however; reality and technicality did not overlap!  I was up and out of bed several times, just to check that my body reported correctly to various instructions.  I had to to the instructions given by my body over the objections of my body. I protested by my body to be able to heed what I was being told and listen to my self.  There were moments where I was ready to shriek that I gave up, but I made it out ok.

I expected that I would have a lazy day, and I suppose that by certain standards I did.  I slept for long stretches of the day.  In fact, I started off watching a Mass video, but I certainly slept through most of it!  I slept for long periods of the day.  Sadly, those did not include the meal delivery portions!  I will have some work to do to get the meals up to a standard of edibility! 
I met the occupational therapist (OT), who explained her role in my future life, which is very different from the role that a physiotherapist (PT) has.  The OT’s role is to help me adapt to life and to make changes to better manage pain so that I do not have chronic issues.  The PT’s role is to manage the physical challenges.  So with the OT today I practiced taking a bath (showers are still a goal to be worked on!) and putting on clothes, notably pants and socks since I have to relearn a lot of those skills.  The PT helped me to walk and to move around.  I’m still thinking in capitals!!  ALL of those actions were painful.  I didn’t realize just how much effort goes into everyday activities!  It’s remarkably painful just living for some people!!  Once again, I am very thankful that I face a short recovery period. I really have to stop thinking and writing in exclamations, because it seems that I’m just shrieking short sentences.  But really, I am thankful for the fact that I’m able to be up and moving again and that I will be able to fairly quickly resume a normal existence.  In the interim, I also acknowledge that I will have a difficult time.  I will have to remember — and I rely on you, my friends to help me with this one!! — that there will be some challenging days.  I was reminded that this week is likely to be painful and stress-filled, but that it will pass.  There is no real pressure on me to complete this programme, except that I’m imposing a hard deadline that I want to be at home full time by June 25.  As a result, my days will be a bit tougher than they need to be.  That aside, they think that my goal is eminently achievable and that I should be able to manage it.  If I cannot, it is not a failure on my part, it just means that my recovery is somewhat longer than I anticipated.  And given that this was not a planned surgery, it is is not a failure on anyone’s part to have not planned all the find details of this emergency surgery.  It’s a result of the unplanned nature of this situation, where we have to find the best solution to where we find ourselves.

Since I have a tendency to add in something more philosophical to my nightly thoughts, here’s tonight’s thought.  We cannot plan every element of our lives, and we cannot control all aspects of our existence.  It is remarkably freeing when we accept this.  Trying to control all elements of our existence just piles stress on top of stress.  Everyone is familiar with at least part of the Serenity Prayer, although the long version is quite beautiful.  Learning to let go of the extra content frees our souls from a lot of contention,   My physical condition will keep us both s us up to accepting many wonderful things.  I hope that nobody is offended by my own religious beliefs, but that you realize that they are real expressions of my own internal thoughts, and not attempts to proselytize you.  (Although if I say something that causes you to agree with me, then that would be wonderfully persuasive of me, and I’d really like to know what it was if ever I needed to repeat myself in the future.)  

The extra time that we spend in worrying about what people think of us just causes us to throw away the goodness that shines through them.  Just imagine how stressful it would be if you were to have to control the actions of everyone that you ever encountered in life…  from the moment that you first met them.  Instead, consider what it’s like if you’re just enjoying the time the time that you have together.  It’s  much more gratifying, isn’t it?   Just consider how much effort you save by not trying to control every aspect of your own life, too?  It’s phenomenal!    All those individuals whose reactions and responses were not yours to react to?  All the knock-on lives that you don’t have to worry about because they are out of your control.  

Here’s to learning how to release control and just let things happen.  It’s not easier for me than for anyone else, but on balance, if we can do that then things are much easier for everyone.  I’m watching a thunderstorm unfolding now, and it’s spectacular, looking through the windows as the storm flashes through the night.  It’s entirely out of my control, and yes it rolls over the landscape on its own, just leaving a few flashes on its wake.  When we learn to do that ourselves, we do so much good for ourselves too.  I think that’s tonight’s lesson — to be able to let things go ourselves so that we aren’t in charge of everything ourselves.  What do you think?  Let’s check in later in the week and see how we did with not trying to control every aspect of our lives?  Good night!