Lectio divina

Ugh, Take it as read that my back has not been cooperating. Last night, I fell asleep quickly, but somehow managed to turn into a pretzel. So I woke up after about an hour to find that my legs were badly cramping, and my neck was sore. I rearranged myself, fell immediately back to sleep, and awoke again in a twist. This morning, my neck was stiff and sore, my legs didn't want to hold me up and my stomach had somehow got set in "reverse" gear... I got up, relocated to my chair, and waited for my lay minister. I'm always happy when he brings me communion, and when he arranges for me to receive other sacraments. I'm reminded that I'm part of a community and not a sad, isolated patient. You will not be surprised to learn that Jerry is not pleased when my lay minister (or my nurse) is here, because he's sent into another room with Don instead of being allowed to run wild. I have tried, but he's so hyper that it's risky. He might knock over things and that's not acceptable.

Trigger warning-some religious thoughts ahead.

I read a short gospel meditation each day- it's a habit I've had for years. Sometimes I find the reading to be challenging, sometimes it's uplifting. In any case, I spend about 15 minutes with the reading. I use a technique called "Lectio Divina," which I'd learned from Fr. Leo, my dear friend who retired to Ireland about 4 years ago. The technique has four main phases:

• Read-the whole passage, at least twice

• Meditate-on the passage.

• Pray-using the words of the passage

• Contemplate.-where do I fit in the passage? How do I follow Jesus using this?

Even after years of doing this. I still need guidance and instruction. I miss being able to discuss the readings with FR. Leo, who always had insights to share. He's not big on technology, so he's not always easy to find! Sometimes I might get "stuck" in a passage, and I'll need a nudge to move on. There are some passages that are easier to understand than others. The funny thing is, sometimes the easy ones are often the ones where I get stuck. I mean, when I find a passage where I feel warm and fuzzy, it's easy to want to stay there and skip the work of the challenging over. Those, though, are "growth" readings and they are good for developing character.

For example, there are a few passages that seem unfair on a casual reading, such as the treatment of the elder brother in the parable of the Prodigal Son. He, as you may remember, came home one day to find a party happening in honour of his wastrel younger brother. He complains to his father that he'd never had a party for his friends, and he'd worked for his father all the years of his brother's absence. On first reading. his reaction seems appropriate; he'd been unfairly treated. But after meditating on the passage, a different message emerges. He resented his brother, and wanted to prolong the suffering. He also wanted to shame his father's generosity. None of these reflect the teachings of "You must love your neighbour as yourself." His whole attitude is harsh, closed off and unforgiving. If he had never requested a party with his friends, it meant that it really was not a priority for him, except to shut his brother out of the family. It's so easy to fall into the trap of cutting off those who are apart from us-who may have done unpleasant things. But the story underlines the love and welcome that await a repentant person. It's challenging to accept this. Here's where the last 2 steps become most important. Through prayer and contemplation, we seek to identify times when we acted the role of the elder brother, and try to improve. We seek to be less harsh and judgemental, and to become more loving and forgiving.

It's not easy; and there are times when I'd prefer to skip those kinds of "examinations of conscience." However, it's really necessary to do the whole exercise to become the best possible version of yourself. And that's really only necessary if you want to cast aside the personality traits and characteristics that interfere with your personal growth. I'm trying because I know that there are aspects of myself that are not in keeping with my view of myself as kind, loving and caring. I know I have moments of white-hot rage and occasional nastiness. Once I can control those facets of my personality, I'd be able to handle some of my unpleasant, and potentially harmful, behaviours. I won't solve them all tonight, so they will be available again tomorrow. for more work. Good night!