humilitas occidit superbiam

 

You know, I realized a while ago that my energy is not great, and I can usually plan a "big thing" per day, and the bigger the thing, the longer I need to recover. So my fun outing yesterday meant that today I was slow and sluggish! It'll be ok. I enjoyed my pastries with some tea, and some sushi so those were great, if small, mean. Jerry was back at the park, and Don grumbled that he got a bit sunburnt from sitting in the sun. It was another summer's day, and autumn starts tomorrow!

I had to ponder a couple of items today. First was whether I am disinterested in people or that I respect their privacy. The second was similar, but it related to giving advice. I was wondering because it seems that I don't dig into what I'm told. For instance, if someone tells me that they are starting a new job, I will congratulate them, ask questions like - so where will you be located? what's the new role? Are you excited by the new job? When do you start? When do we go celebrate? Then I'll share with friends the news of our friend's job, and I can't answer what they want to know; things like- why did they change? Was it a promotion? How did they find the job? all of which are interesting. but I think that those are really only to be shared with close confidants. I might be wrong, but it's happened so often that I wonder if my not asking conveys disinterest?

When it comes to advice, I hesitate to offer it unsolicited; even when I'm asked for it, I'm unwilling to jump in. Partly because I may offer something inadequate or inappropriate; partly because I don't want to seem like a know-it-all. It's one of those things. I'm happy to listen. and to be a sounding board, but I don't like assuming that I'm the smartest person in the room. My friend Paul Beaudry will corroborate that it took a bit of work for me to learn to sincerely listen to people when they spoke about non-work-related issues. I used to find it tedious and a waste of time to listen to my team talk about their hobbies during our meetings. But he did manage to persuade me that it was worth the effort, and it really was. I found that people relaxed, were more open to discuss various topics and their productivity skyrocketed. I am hugely grateful to him for taking the time to coach me into being a more effective manager. So much so that an employee, who was known for being challenging asked me to mentor them. That was a terrifying request, but I'm pleased that I agreed. It turned into a very humbling experience for me, and helped me improve my ability to coach and mentor others. It was really eye-opening. It's a cliche but true that teaching others provides you with many life lessons.

For myself, I often get irritated as the recipient of unsolicited advice, or being asked what I consider to be overly intrusive questions. My upbringing was fairly strict on nor poking my nose (or, in Trini slang, "maccoing") into other people's business, even as I might be hugely interested in wanting to know more details. It was stressed that if people wanted to open up to me, that was one thing, but I should avoid seeming like I was gathering materiel for a gossip rag. Plus nobody likes a bossy know-it-all telling them what to do, even if they say that they do.

There is a 17th century nun's prayer which I'd first encountered in Ireland. and I loved it, even though it's partly tongue-in-cheek. It reads as follows 

Lord, you know better than I know myself

that I am growing older and one day will be old.

Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must

say something on every subject

and on every occasion.

Release me from craving to

straighten out everybodys affairs.

Make me thoughtful but not moody;

helpful but not bossy.

With my vast store of wisdom

it seems a pity not to use it all;

but you know, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details,

give me wings to get to the point.

Seal my lips on my aches and pains,

they are increasing and love of rehearsing them

is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

I dare not ask for grace enough

to enjoy the tales of others pains,

but help me to endure them with patience.

I dare not ask for improved memory,

but for growing humility and a lessening cocksureness

when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally

I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet;

I do not want to be a saint, some of them are so hard to live with,

but a sour old person is one of the.

crowning works of the devil.

Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places

and talent in unexpected people,

and give me O Lord the grace to tell them so. AMEN.

Good night!