Mid-week

It was a nice day; it was a lovely fresh day with a cooling breeze and not too hot, altogether a lovely summer’s day that could have been improved by being in and near a body of water!  My nurse, on his visit yesterday, cleared me to take the monster out again, so we had a little walk today to meet his dog friends at the building behind us.  He was excited and thrilled first, to be outside barking at everything and everyone he saw, and second to be petted by his friends.  They were also happy to see him (and hopefully me too 😆)  He was so cute to watch with his friends!  Don is doing OK; still less than great but not too bad.  It’s sports time, so he’s watching that.

I’ve never been someone who enjoys crowds.  For years, I’d go home in February because it was my mother’s birthday, and I’d spend it with her.  But it also often coincided with Carnival, and each year I’d be asked, “So are you playing ’mas?” I’d always reply, “I just play the fool.”  I’ve never been interested in getting into a costume and dancing in a crowd through the streets.  My siblings all play — it’s a running joke, in fact, that Carnival can’t happen without them — and I’ve sometimes gone to watch parts of the parade routes, but I’m not comfortable in a crowd.  When, 8 years ago, I had to have my spleen removed, I was told that I’d need to be “paranoid” about my health and avoid crowds (among other things) to reduce the stress on my immune system.  (Covid was just a worldwide application of what I’d had to live for the last 8 years)  That was actually fine with me, because I didn’t want to be in a crowd anyway.  I’m happy to watch parades on TV, as opposed to either lining the route or being in the parade itself.  I feel claustrophobic in a crowd (I’ve realized that I suffer brief attacks of panic if I’m ever in an enclosed space; it’s got worse as I’ve aged…)  The only time I’d be comfortable in a crowd is if I’m at the theatre, and even then I’m not going to be in lines for food/drink/restrooms/entering/exiting the hall… I do enjoy being in the theatre, hearing the orchestra getting ready, and listening to people rustling their programmes… I dislike the people who insist on taking pictures and talking through the show but I’m happy to be in a full hall when the lights go down, the curtains go up and the show starts!  It’s been 2 years since I was last at a live show (The Neverending Story, on Valentine’s Day with some dear friends) and as much as I’d like to return, I’m still nervous about being in large groups… people are still too selfish and I’ve been through enough difficult times in the last 2 years so I’d like to avoid going to the hospital — plus, it’s been well over 2 years since my last cold, so I’m perfectly happy to extend that streak!

I mention this because I’ve been listening to the soundtrack of Wicked this evening, and remembering watching it with my sister at a theatre in London’s West End some years ago, and then again with some friends here in Ottawa.  I’m a little spoiled, as I love being in London where I can watch a show any night of the week and there’s always a wide selection, from musicals, to plays, to the ballet or the opera… I have warm memories of going to 2-3 shows on an average visit to England and especially fond memories of seeing Stomp! with my brother, and Showboat with my dear friends.  I hope that I’ll be able to return to watching live theatre again soon, and even more, to be in London to do that.  (Broadway runs a distant second, but it’s closer than England)

I will have to stop dwelling on all the things that I miss doing… it doesn’t fit with my resolution to find the good in various situations.  I know that my life is a bit more constrained than it used to be, and I cannot do all the things that I used to do, but moping about it doesn’t help and it’s just good at making me feel depressed — I definitely don’t need any help with that!! — so I will reduce my whining about how much I miss doing many things and instead try to do as much as I can without sending myself to bed for days on end!  Speaking of bed, I’m heading in there now, as I’m a little wiped out.  Good night all!