Lingering winter

The forecast is calling for a wintry, messy mix overnight and into tomorrow… They expect snow, freezing rain and ice rain starting around 2am and lasting most of the day.  Apparently places like Chicago were badly affected by this storm system and there are warnings everywhere.  I packed my things today; everything fit into a carry-on, very exactly! I’m debating transferring stuff to my larger bag, which will have more space for bringing back stuff, but it’s not likely that I’ll be doing a lot of shopping.  Honestly, if the weather were more consistent, I’d have more room, as I wouldn’t be packing a cardigan and a selection of sweaters!  Jerry was again in suspicious guard mode, where he’s been barking almost continuously this afternoon, never mind getting buzzed by his collar!  Don has been busy trying to sort out a problem with his email… he’s used an old, non-standard program for years; it’s unsupported by pretty much anyone, so every so often when an update happens, he needs to spend a few days trying to get it working again.  That will keep him busy until I get back 😅

I’m looking forward to being with my sister and her family.  The small people are entertaining and I enjoy watching how they learn, plus it’s fun being with my sister as we’re in different cities so we don’t see each other too often.  I’m quite attached to my family, and I’m happy to be able to be with them.  My elder niece and I have become close over the years, and I really value that she shares with me.  The same with my assorted godchildren; I’m always happy to see them and learn about their plans, and it’s my greatest joy and honour when I get calls from them to update me on nothing much… “Hey, Auntie, I tried this new restaurant that I think you might like,” or “Auntie, I want to introduce you to someone” (I melt at that one!) and so on.  I was accused of spoiling them, but I refute the charge.  We run a mutual adoration society, and all the love is accepted and fully reciprocated on both sides.  It was hilarious, some years ago, when some co-workers called me “unapproachable, cold, and like a bulldozer.”  The kids said, “Yeah, a squishy soft one that’s cuddly!” and haven’t stopped laughing at their witticism.  All that to say that they ruin my image of being a stern, businesslike official, and I’m perfectly content with them.  I expect that by Thursday I’ll be a jungle gym and reader combined…

I’m back to meditating on the readings of the day.  Today was about Judas Iscariot and his betrayal.  There’s always been a discussion on him and his motivation which I find fascinating; the rationales offered fall into a couple of categories:  he was impatient for Jesus to be recognized as the Messiah and wanted to push him to declare himself; he was greedy and wanted the money for their purse or he was jealous.  None of them provide an adequate explanation for his behaviour.  I mean, if he was greedy, why didn’t he take the money and leave instead of trying to undo the deal?  If he was impatient for Jesus to be recognized, why wouldn’t he try to raise a counter-protest?  Why would he commit suicide rather than face Jesus?  I think that Judas, like many of us, was a complex person.  His motivations aren’t clear, but from his reaction, it seems that the result wasn’t at all what he expected.  Now, his name is known universally as a betrayer and a false friend.  I’m reasonably sure that he wasn’t evil at heart, otherwise he wouldn’t have been called as one of the Twelve nor stayed close to Jesus for three years.  Every year when I go through this week’s readings, I always wonder about Judas and why he chose the path he did.  Then I realize that there have been times when I did things that seemed to fly in the face of logic.  I haven’t — at least, not to my knowledge — betrayed anyone, nor have I tried to usurp someone else’s place.  But I have been impatient to see results, so tried to unsuccessfully rush a process, or been angry at others and wanted to bypass their contributions.  Maybe I was like Judas in those moments?

One certainty in the story of Judas is that he cut himself off from God.  When he went out and hanged himself, he did it in despair and rejected the idea that he could be forgiven for his sins.  I’m fairly sure that had he expressed remorse and sought to make reparations, he would have been fully forgiven.  Serendipitously, I was talking with a friend recently about forgiveness and how challenging it is to forgive someone who hurts you deeply.  In our discussion, we realized that forgiveness is for the person who offers it; it stops the offender from causing more suffering because when you forgive, you remove that sin from your mental ledger of “things to pay back” but the person who hurt you still has work to do if they want to try repairing the relationship.  I’d explored this idea more here so I won’t go into too much repetition.  Any of us — any of the Twelve Apostles — could fall into sin and despair, and we could follow Judas’ error and close our hearts.  I hope that none of us could push people away and cause them to close their hearts, but more than that, I hope that we can all help others to remember how to love, how to show it and receive it.

And on that pious note, I’m going to arrange things so I can get to bed reasonably early since I need to be up and out of the house at an time that I’m usually snuggling in for an extra doze!  There may be a gap tomorrow, depending on how my day goes, but in any case, I’ll definitely be back by Thursday.  Apart from all that, though, I have my boys to cuddle before I head off for a few days.  Good night!