concordia cum veritate

My lay minister was here this morning at 11 so I received Holy Communion, and we prayed for a bit.  Shh! Don't tell anyone, but I slept all afternoon. I apparently needed the rest, because I dropped off "as soon as my head touched the pillow" and I didn't stir for a solid 3 hours! And the other reason for secrecy is that I didn't eat. I wasn't at all hungry, until after I woke up this evening. Then I had tea and grilled cheese.. I also, for reasons I don't understand, had a few episodes of nausea, which deterred me from eating more. Here's hoping that stops tonight so I can focus on being healthy!

The tiny dictator spent part of the morning cuddling me and patting my tummy... when I made a phone call, he sat at attention and then curled up again on my lap. This evening, he took a flying jump onto my tummy and refused to get off. He's now in a heap with a blanket and sleeping with one eye fixed on me. He stayed on me while I spoke with my dad and the family, ignoring their efforts to attract his attention.  Teeny little pest. He's adorable.

When I saw my doctor this week she was in a more expansive and chatty mood than usual. As we talked, I asked her whether there was anything that I could or should have done to avoid the spinal surgery. She told me that I shouldn't beat myself up, since there was no way to know of the existence of a tumour. She said that lots of people report back pain, but over 99% are muscle related. Of the rest, it is most often a pinched nerve. An angiosarcoma (like I had) is less than 0.001% likely. She went on to explain that there's a lot that's unknown about some cancers, how they start and how they spread. Some follow an expected path, but some do very unusual things. For a patient, really, the best approach remains working closely with your medical team and reporting at once any changes. That way it's easier to identify problems. I thanked her for her honesty. 

We also chatted about the "magic, miracle" cures that people like to circulate. She was much kinder in her answer than I was! She said that often when people are faced with something unknown and frightening they look for an easy answer. They'll seek comfort and reassurance so they'll try almost anything; and sadly, there are unscrupulous people who take advantage of the sufferings and vulnerability of others who will try to sell all kinds of snake-oil. We chatted about that for a while and she reiterated the importance of trusting your medical team, as they are looking out for you.  It reminded me of a conversation that I’d had with the chaplain at the hospital, who said that there were generally 2 types of patients that he saw.  One group, like me, asked for a priest as part of our team, and wanted regular visits for prayers, while the other had reached a point where they say, “I’ve tried everything else, so why not?”  

What if, I asked, you aren't comfortable with your team? She sand then it would be essential and necessary to ask for another opinion. But all cases are discussed by groups of doctors weekly at the rounds meetings, and treatments are evaluated by the whole group then presented to the patient. The doctors also talk between rounds if something comes up or they want to explore ideas. I had learnt this years ago when I had my big surgery. After all of that, I was more at ease with the options presented as next step. I have only once refused to accept a doctor because she made me uncomfortable. After I said that I didn't want her, I never saw her again, and nothing was ever mentioned to me. The doctors have all been good, even if I've been frustrated sometimes. That's usually due to them telling me something when I'm in pain and can't focus. Personally I hope that it'll be a long time before I need to be back in hospital for more than a test.

I'm tired again, so I'm off to bed. Although this will automatically post at midnight ET, you may get the notification later in the morning. I'd suggest that you check the site to see if it's there to get your early morning fix! Good night!