Day 1

I started my ninth round of radiation therapy today; I’ve suggested to my radiation oncologist that I should get at least a gold star for my frequent treatments, if I can’t get a superpower.  He agrees that I do. Jerry enjoyed his ride to the hospital, and climbed into my lap for cuddles on the way home.  He’s spent most of the time since we got home on my lap and chewing on his toy.  He’s just moved over to harass Don and lie on his shoulder until the hockey game starts.  We’ve got an appointment at 7:30am tomorrow, which means a very early start.  Early start = early night.  We’re being careful but optimistic that I won’t have too many bad side effects, so I’m on a regime of anti-emetics (prevent vomiting) and fingers crossed that it’s all that happens.  I’ve got a dietician on standby, plus a few nurses so I’ll be carefully monitored as we do these treatments.

It’s a big week this week… tomorrow, my baby niece is celebrating her fourth birthday.  And as proof positive that tempus fugit, my elder niece is turning 18 on Saturday.  I remember when she was born, and what I was doing, and it’s hard to imagine that it’s been almost 2 full decades ago! She and I have built up a good relationship, and I’m pleased that we’re able to talk about all kinds of topics.  I’m really honoured that my godchildren and my nieces and nephews trust me enough to share details of their lives with me.  They’re all vital to my happiness and life, and the fastest way to make me smile is to get a text from any of them.  So my niece and I have been discussing her ideas for the future, and I’m trying — hard — not to step in and take over.  I’ve made some suggestions, on things that she could try, and things that she should perhaps investigate, but I’m not forcing her into a particular path.  She knows, as do the others, that I’m supportive of her plans and dreams.  I’m on standby for providing help and explaining to others why she needs more room to develop.  We’ve completed her university application last night, so one more step on the road to adulthood!

I’m finding it absolutely fascinating to see how much ideals and behaviours have shifted over time.  It’s strange, in some ways, to find that the things that made me an outcast are more mainstream now.  I mean, I had views that the leads in all stories didn’t need to be male; that women didn’t need to be mothers to be complete; that the only reason that women weren’t in positions of authority was because they were held back, and not due to any supposed “emotional, hysterical weakness,” and that women didn’t need to emulate men in order to progress.  My feminist leanings were out of step with the rest of my life, and it’s delightful to see that they’re not so outlandish any longer.  Personally, I’d like to see the rest of the rubbish  about women — like only being valued for our looks, needing to know how to make “perfect round roti” (apparently a requirement for choosing a wife) etc — thrown into the ash heap of history.  The kids have no concept of many of those things; they’d be absolutely stunned if someone were to tell them that the girls couldn’t run a company or that they should let a man handle everything.  Ask my cousins — I’ve always encouraged the girls to ensure that they can look after themselves as a priority over finding a husband and having children.  So many conversations with one of my cousins who wanted her daughters to find partners and provide her with grandchildren, but they were more focussed on getting their qualifications, so they went through most of their 20s without toddlers!  She’s forgiven me (I think) because the girls are happy, well-adjusted and full of life, which is really what we want for our children.

I’ve got a small bit of what feels like indigestion and pain in my chest, so I’m going to pause, breathe and perhaps head in to sleep.  Jerry will accompany me — he’s of the view that I will be scared if I go in to the bedroom alone, so he picks up his toy and races me to the door.  Don, of course, is glued to hockey.  I may get his attention in May for 2 days before baseball!  Ah well… it’s all fine.  Good night!