bona nocte quies.

I'm so fed up of the back pain, tiredness and lack of appetite! I'd like to wake up, stretch out the kinks in my back, and settle down to a good breakfast! One day soon, I hope! My PSW (personal service worker) came today, and, bless her! she cut up a large bunch of vegetables for me so I can cook a few items this weekend in preparation for my week of radiation. That's very encouraging, since it's saving me lots of energy. The tiny dictator planted himself on my lap for the morning, and was super adorable, moving his paw to direct where my hand should be rubbing his tummy. He gave up mooching part of my supper-it was a hot Italian sausage, and far too spicy for a little monster. Instead I gave him one of his treats (which he inhaled then proceeded to complain that he was a neglected, starving puppy!) He's not, he's dreadfully spoilt!

For the past few days, I've needed some extra support when I'm walking, even around the condo. My left leg keeps feeling like it wants to collapse under me. Thankfully, it hasn't, but it got me considering a few things.  I can't walk any long distances; a long walk is about a city block; 2 if we are measuring “there and back again." One of the things that I liked about my location is that it's so walkable! 10-15 minutes, and I can get to several restaurants, pharmacies, the library, 2 supermarkets, a mall, the market, a couple of museums, Parliament Hill, parks, the river, various churches... 15 more minutes, and there's even more.. It was great for spending a day walking around, window shopping, picking up fresh fruits and vegetables…

Nowadays, though, I feel a bit trapped, as I can't comfortably walk to any of my old haunts. Yes, I feel sorry for myself-I used to hate wheeling a shopping cart, because it was inconvenient when empty, and I was happy to walk back carrying shopping bags.  These days, the cart is carried to the garage when we go to pick up groceries, because I'm still not allowed to left more than about 4.5kg (10 lbs) Thankfully, Don goes with me, to lift bags in and out of the trunk. I can't explain how frustrating I find it not to be able to do things like get groceries, while I'm simultaneously hugely grateful to have his help and support. It does, though, lead to some minor conflicted feelings, when I want to be annoyed that he's eaten the last pastry that I was saving, or doesn't empty the dishwasher... I get ready for an epic meltdown, and then I remember that he helped lift heavy things so I could do something I wanted to do, and no meltdown.

Everyone knows that I'm not in any way a domestic diva. I enjoy cooking, and I'm quite happy to try a variety of new recipes. I was always awed by chefs who would prepare some elaborate creation-until I became aware of the sous-chef or food-prep guy! I need one of those! My own little brownie/ pixie who chops vegetables, cuts meats, carefully ties stuffed chops, does all the fiddling, finicky things . AND washes up as we go! Totally awesome! I mention this because I ran across a show called, "Cook like a Chef," in which the chef explains that s/he will be making a particular dish- but all they do is just explain the ingredients, hand them over to their underlings to do the actual pounding, cutting, etc.  The chef starts the cooking, but the work of standing over and stirring on browning or braising is done by the aides.  There are about a dozen for one show, where they prepare 3 dishes.  At the end, the chef dresses the plate and shows the creation, getting applauded, while the anonymous sous chef gets busy scrubbing the pans and knives. I definitely need one or two of those! LOL

Right, I'm obviously tired and a bit loopy, so I'll follow Jerry's inveigling and head off to bed. Good night, sleep well!