inter alios

 It’s slightly warmer today, but overcast.  Spring is on the way.  I had a small dog curled on my lap any time I sat on my chair, and if I was not sitting, there was a small dog curled on my cushion!  The boys went to the supermarket this afternoon, and I’m a little nervous to see what comes home with them!  One of them is known for coming home with bags filled with pies, tarts, cakes, candies and assorted junk food and not much in the line of fruits, vegetables or the components of meals!!  The other is particularly good at getting underfoot when I’m putting away groceries.  

In my conversation with my niece, she mentioned that they were told about church groups and other activities that were available.  I said to her that when I was a teenager, girls were not allowed to be altar servers.  She was shocked to hear that.  She said that all of her life she’s seen girls as altar servers, so the idea that they were banned was just appalling.  I made it worse by telling her that when my aunt was a teenager, women who looked after decorating the altar weren’t allowed on the altar at all.  They would bring the floral arrangements and altar cloths, and hand them to men from the back of the altar, while others gave directions as to where things should go.  She was even more flabbergasted.  I added to this by telling her that when I started reading, there was a woman who went to great lengths to try to ban women wearing trousers on the altar on the grounds that they were “distracting” to men (although the only man who would see their backs was the priest, and perhaps a deacon, so her argument failed.). She asked me, “why do women work so hard to limit themselves and drag each other down?” I had to admit that I didn’t know why.  Many of the limitations placed on women may have originated with a man, but they were enforced— strenuously— by other women.  The “dress codes” that work to not distract men; the idea that women don’t belong in the executive suite; that women are weak, emotionally unstable creatures; the ongoing “jokes” about bad women drivers and domineering wives… all of these are reinforced by women and how we raise our daughters.  I’m wondering when we’ll collectively address rearing our sons to not let themselves down!  I mean, I heard a man (who was a Minister of Health) argue that men were being “feminized” and that men had reactions to women that were natural and should not be curbed.  I think he added that they could not be restrained without doing harm to the man, but I’ve never believed the “blue balls” story either!  I remember being at a junior hockey game and being horrified at overhearing a father challenge his sons to “Go kiss that cheerleader.  She wants you to come on to her, that’s why she’s wearing a skirt that short!”  Don had to restrain me from saying something to him.

Can’t we manage to convey to our children that people are individuals worthy of respect, regardless of whether they’re wearing short skirts or a burqua.  That everyone has reactions of attraction to others, but while the reaction is involuntary the response is certainly controllable — for men and women.  When we have people who are, or should be, examples to everyone making those kinds of comments, it’s beyond disgusting.  And when those people make homophobic comments, and use terms like “gay” as slurs… it’s just… horrific.  It’s great that we’re making progress in gender roles, but it’s obvious that there’s more to do.  I’m stunned but thrilled when my niece says that she’s never seen the barriers that existed when I was a teen, so it’s evidence of progress, but there are still issues.  We’ll have to work more to remove many of the others.

Good night all, may you have a progressive day and get some rest!