Thoughts

It was fairly mild today, reaching a sunny high of 8C, which is much better than the rain and snow forecast for the weekend.  Jerry spent his day as usual on various laps and is now guarding Don in the kitchen as he’s making tuna salad sandwiches… Jerry is hoping for bits to fall on the floor so he can pounce on them and vacuum things up!  (Even if they might make him sick.  Stubborn puppy!)  Don is moving a little more easily than yesterday, for which I’m relieved, although one of his fingers is purple from the injury and looks really gross.  I have made efforts to persuade him to seek medical attention, but it seems that I should save my breath to cool my tea.  He spent a good part of today watching the team trades, so he’s happy, and I was rereading some stuff written by my friend from New Zealand and got as lost in it as the first time!

I’m still trying to make sense of my world.  I feel a bit more at ease having made a decision and spoken with my oncologist about it, but there are the other thoughts that are unpleasant and intrusive that put in an appearance.  Thank you to everyone who sent in positive, supportive and encouraging messages, they mean a lot.  Thanks to my “twin” sister who called and talked for an hour about normal things, like her thesis, her family and the weather, and to my cousin who called just to say “hi” and talk about her grandchildren, meals, kids and that sort of stuff.  Normal conversation, with no mention of illness (except my cousin’s cold which is at the drippy nose stage) or anything of the sort.  

I am sorry, but I  do have to bring this up.  I know that the intentions are good, and the remarks come from a place of concern, otherwise I would be far more harsh in my comments.  Could people please, please, please NOT send me links to questionable and unproven “cures” or “miracle herbs” and dodgy studies done on groups of about a dozen people with mostly anecdotal evidence.  Someone I barely know sent me a link and said that I should “drink carrot juice” to cure my cancer.  Someone else suggested “hot water with lemon” and another wanted me to drink tea made with laurel leaves.  I am also wildly skeptical about the “person I heard of” who had “stage 4 cancer and was cured by drinking maple syrup.”  (Or any of the other outlandish claims I’ve heard.)  If it were so easy to cure cancer, nobody would get it.  Yes, I believe in miracles, but even those need to be examined and proven before they’re promoted, and a study of 5 people who “recovered” from an unproven disease doesn’t count.  The scientific method has more merits than faults, and no experiment can be considered as proven until it’s been done several times by multiple persons.  I would consider adjuvant therapies, which are designed to alleviate pain (which I thankfully don’t have) or which provide supplemental vitamins and minerals.  But I will only do those with the approval of my existing medial team.  They’ve been responsible for keeping me alive and functioning for the last dozen years, so I trust them a lot more than “Dr.  Google” or “Dr. Facebook.”  

Before clicking forward and send, triple check your information with any of the fact checking websites, the legitimate sites and peer-reviewed publications to be sure that there is a valid basis for the claims.  Otherwise I’ll unleash my more outspoken, blunt friends on the senders.  They are lovely, strong women who care deeply about me and my wellbeing and they’ve often asked why I haven’t been more harsh in my responses.  I’ll also add that some advice remains in poor taste.  Specifically, “why are you so upset about the results?  You knew this was coming.” Or “Stay positive,” or “You need to pray more.”  None of those is in the least bit helpful, and are, in fact, cruel and hurtful.  If you must say them, do it to your mirror or when I’m not in the conversation.  If positivity and prayer were enough, I’d live to 200.  And I’m human, so if I share my pain with you, I expect a modicum of humanity, not “I’m just being practical.”   I’m not seeking pity or anything of the sort, but every so often I just need a little support.  

Sorry for the ranting; my sense of humour isn’t back in place yet, and it’s overwhelming receiving messages that are less than kind, even if well meant.  I’m off to find something for supper and prepare for what I learned was a surprise visit this weekend.  Good night!