Deus nolens exitus

Today was another painful day.  I had a lot of difficulty falling asleep-I was awake until 3am, then I was awake again at 5am. The result of course, was that I was drowsing off in the middle of the day, and falling asleep in my chair. Not the most comfortable way to nap!  Although, as my dad pointed out-if you can sleep in a position, then it's at least temporarily comfortable, so… I need to remember that the surgery itself was very successful. I'm able to walk again, and I was at real risk of being paralyzed if I did nothing.  The challenge is really that I now have a torn tendon, which is dreadfully painful so it's a wholly different issue. It would be better if I did not have that issue but it's one of those things, I guess.

Let's be honest-I'm frustrated with the level of pain I've been dealing with this week. It feels like all I've been talking about is the hurt in my back, and I'm fed up with it. Between that and my insomnia, I feel like a miserable old woman who just grumbles about her aches and pains. I apologize for this. I will try to focus on other things, to maintain my promises to myself to be as positive as I can be.

This is one of the times when I face up to the gap between my aims and reality. Part of me wants to moan about the pain and the dragging feeling that I have. But I also am not supportive of people who trade on their illness, and I hate the idea of being on the receiving end of pity. So after today, assume the following: 

  • The pain persists, and has not. significantly reduced.
  • I'll be focussing on finding an outlet for something positive.
  • I'll be using as many meditative techniques as I can to stay on track;:
  • If needed, there will be a segue into a prayer or 3! 
Just imagine how much fun we'll have keeping me from falling into a pity party of one! It’s  one of those things that seems easier said than done! Jerry is trying to get involved-he's been scratching at my leg for the past 15 minutes. He stood on me while I was resting (see the picture?) and he's literally pouting that I won't let him displace my iPad! 
R Good night, all.  Here’s hoping for a decent night’s sleep that does not require either mainlining .or vaporizing the contents of one of my pills! 
 All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.” 
― Julian of Norwich

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