Fons Vitae Caritas
Today I started feeling better. I slept longer, and went back to having a nap mid-morning, which helped. I also managed to sneak a piece of the ice-cream cake (one slice left in the freezer for the birthday boy!) and totally enjoyed it! Gotta love cake and ice cream, even more when combined! I also discovered a frozen sticky toffee pudding today- excavating the depths of the freezer can be rewarding!! (Note to the anti-sugar crowd: none for you! It's all mine! 😈😜)
I had a lovely, long conversation with my niece today. We don't often get to have long chats, because, well, teens and life, but I do enjoy them when we can. Part of this one was about confirmation preparation, and as her godmother I try to encourage her to ask as many questions as she can so we can talk about thorny or touchy subjects. The class was about vocations and discernment. I threw my mind back almost 40 years ago to when I did that session, and I was greatly disappointed that the options have not changed nor are there any attempts at discussion, just checklists. So we had our own dialogue. It's pure laziness on the part of the catechists to not explore ideas. I mean when I had my classes in the early 80's, the options for girls/women were: nun (religious); consecrated single or married. Men, of course, had priest or deacon added to the list. But now, even with the glacial pace of change in the church, they have still overlooked the roles for the laity. But that's another rant for another time.
Of greater importance to both of us was the discussion on interdependence, which was a new concept for her and a golden opportunity for bonding for us! We agreed that it's difficult to ask for help. She said that there's a lot of emphasis on being a "strong, independent" woman, and that comes with implied pressure not to ask for help, because that's a sign of weakness. We talked that out, and she acknowledged that asking for help is not a bad thing, and the perception is entirely in our own minds, but it's a powerful demotivator, nonetheless. She asked me when is it easiest for me to seek help, and I had to admit that it was often half an hour after I really needed it!
So we've promised each other do better at requesting and accepting help. I had to confess that I would sometimes (often) deny that I needed help because I didn't want to be considered a nuisance or a problem, even while I've explained to my aunt that she's not a burden for asking for help, and that we'd prefer that she ask for help so she's not at risk for falls! The irony was not lost on me-nor, frankly, on my niece! My homework this week is to ask for help from someone to do something that I really should not be doing during my post-surgery period.
She has a slightly different assignment. She has to be able to ask, "why is that not open to boys and girls?" Because she told me how frustrating she finds it when, at school, the teacher might ask for "a few strong boy" to do a task, or for "some feminine girls." I agree with her that it is annoying, and that the opportunity should be open to everyone. we will report back by the end of the week on how the homework went, although I'm reasonably sure that it will require more than one session for us to change our behaviours. But she is right; interdependence is a vital skill for anyone to learn. And it's necessary for us to learn the differences between interdependence, independence and dependence, and when each should take precedence in our activities.
We agree that the fainting, weak female trope is over and done. We also agree that asking for help requires strength. And we further agree that knowing when and how to ask for help is a vital capability that should be encouraged. As the putative adult, I have to set the examples so I will be asking for help this week!
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