Discere Faciendo

I have no idea what happened to my last blog post. I went to look at something, and it suddenly wasn't there! Oops... so I will attempt to recreate it, but not now.

I went for a walk around the block today, being pulled by the tiny, furry dictator. I'm happy that I was able to go, but it was tiring, because he has so much energy!  He had a great time although he definitely thought that his walk was too short, even though he was starting to get thirsty 😁

There are days when my level of happiness and comfort with the world is less than optimal. Some days a comment from a well-intentioned person can send me into a bit of a spiral and it takes a lot of effort to recover my equanimity. I got one of those today, when I was told, "You need to be more positive." Really? I do? It got me annoyed, which of course affects my cheerful positivity level. 

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My closest friend commented to me later that I'm obviously recovering, since both my sarcasm and my snappy responses are returning. If I can be irritable, goes the argument, then I must be feeling better. I'll take it. 😁

I found this Facebook memory from a couple of years ago that I think needs to be reincarnated! It's a reasonable price list, I think, and I encourage its use and widespread adoption! Some of those statements definitely need to be carefully considered before use!

I don't mean to be rude, but those kinds of statements are really insensitive to someone with a serious, debilitating or incurable disease. I understand the desire to help, but there are some things that should be carefully considered before you say them. This article helps clarify the difference between healthy optimism and toxic positivity— or the friends who tell me that I just need to “be positive” when I’m having a legitimate off moment.

Yes, I know that I'm entitled to a bad day every now and then, and that I should ignore those who are insensitive. There are times when that takes more energy than I have available; and times when I really cannot comfort other people who want to tell me how to interpret my results. It feels dismissive and patronizing to me. I know what my prognosis is, and I'm not obsessed by it. But being aware of it means that there are days when it is overwhelming, and I need space to process it. So on those days. when I share an update and the response is, "well, you're just being too negative, You should be more positive," I feel like I should shut off and not share because I'm not being heard, that people are more comfortable with the edited pink-cotton-candy version, and they prefer that I be inauthentic. I would rather shut off and not share than spend my energy on that.  Yes, I probably give some friends too much control over my emotions. I should stop putting pressure on myself to ace a particular way or to think certain things. That pressure is unnecessary and just adds to my stress.

Ok, so I'm making a promise to myself now. I give myself permission to ignore any of the remarks that make me feel bad about myself. I accept that there will be off days, but I won't let them overwhelm me. At the same time when people try to tell me that I'm not living up (or down) to their expectations, I give myself further permission to ignore them..

Tomorrow is my "extra birthday" and we've agreed that there will be cake! My niece and I discussed this today, and we're checking for cake delivery options for tomorrow. Our thinking caps are on and running on high for celebratory ideas for this week. Because birthdays, even extra, nor-actual over, are want celebrating!