in nuce

Days of not feeling normal are not fun. I'd like to be able to feel energetic, but it doesn't seem like an option.

Jerry spent as much of the day on my lap  as he could manage. He's very affectionate and loving I am so fond of him, tiny monster that he is!

I'm trying to find distractions that don't require much focus for a few days. I'd like to be able to find something that keeps me from letting my mind dwell on things that happened 9 years ago. It can sometimes help to have a TV show that occupies my mind; reading doesn't help, though, unfortunately.

Don't misunderstand. I'm very thankful to be alive and to be able to look back, but I'd like to be free of the cold fingers that seem to clutch at my heart. Part of me would like to sit and absorb the chill so I can feel "normal." In some way, being able to maintain a facade is necessary.

Good night!  I’m falling asleep on myself again 😩


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