ex fide fortis

Working on restoring my energy. I had a short walk this afternoon, and realized that I get tired fast and that aggravates my back. Most irritating, but at least I'm still able to walk, even though it's not as far or as fast as I'd like. Let's stay focussed on the positive. I know that I'm allowed off days, but I'll try to "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..!  Staying focused on the positive, I was actually hungry this evening. I haven't felt hungry in over a week, so that was good!  

It was a lovely day today; mild and mostly sunny. It was, though, surprisingly humid. I had a few moments of gasping for air. I'm glad that I got the oxygen concentrator; it does make it easier.

I was asked if I ever argue with God during my prayers. I said that of course I do. There are times when I feel like I'm being asked to carry too much, and on those days I find it helps to express my frustration in my prayers. I thank God for my very many blessings-and I recognize that I have a lot, even if I don't think that I'm progressing enough. I ask for other things, some of which I receive, and others I don't, but when I get fed up, I also convey that. I know that God knows what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling, but I think that being fully honest is important in any dialogue, including prayer.

Yes, I do consider prayer as a dialogue, and therefore as a 2- way.. conversation. How do I know if God responds? Because I obviously don't hear voices from heaven telling me what to do- star's more a Ned thing than mine. Well, at the risk of seeming New Agey, whet happens is-let's say I'm seeking guidance on a treatment. I will offer it in prayer, and contemplate the treatment. And I'll ask for guidance with making the decision. Then I leave it for a while. when I return to the question later, I often feel a strong sense of peace when I'm contemplating the option. Or, in a more complicated situation. I'll often find references to the option I chose. I know that it sounds like hocus-pocus, and I'm nor completely lucid in my explanation.. Bur the experience, to me is often crystal clear. I have a strong sense of the choice to make. I attribute it to God showing me the choice to make. for others, it's psychological or the universe directing things or logic dictating choices. Any way it's described, it's appropriate.

When I'm angry with God, I will say that. When I've vented my anger I feel comforted, Very often, once I've released my anger. I receive a call from a friend who I haven't seen for a while. They will sometimes share an experience that is similar to what I went through, and it seems like I'm being reminded that I am not alone in my struggles. No, my belief in God is not shaken, and I rely on my faith in coping with life.. It's vital to me as I go through the ups and downs of daily living.

I'm thankful for the support I get from friends and sometimes from strangers. I've been encouraged by readers of this blog who I've never met, and I'm honestly moved by them reaching out to me. I appreciate even more my friends who message to say that they're happy that I'm writing, It motivates me on days when I want to give up. So THANK YOU to all of you for your support and encouragement. I think that God is letting me know that I'm cared for, even in the moments I feel alone.

XOXO

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cloyd

Image
I don’t know how to write this today.  Just yesterday I wrote that my dad was improving and strong; today he passed out, could not be resuscitated and died shortly before 12:30 ECT/EDT.  We are all reeling in shock.  It seems that this morning he woke as usual, had his breakfast, followed his morning routine and then just… stopped.  My sister called for an ambulance which arrived quickly (We’re essentially across the street from the hospital) and they tried reviving him; he was rushed straight in on arrival, where they continued to work on him for over half an hour, but he never revived.  My siblings who were there were texting throughout so that we (in Canada) were kept updated.  They showed us his body after everything was over, and he looks peaceful.  Thankfully, he experienced no pain or discomfort, just fell into unconsciousness.  He’s been moved from the hospital morgue to the funeral home while we try to settle on his final arrangements.  It’s so surreal; he was arguing and prot
Read more

Chemo

Image
First of all, happy Hanukkah to all those celebrating.  I wish your families peace and light in this season of miracles!  The first menorah candles were lit at sunset in City Hall today, and on the Hill, so I add my wishes to all of those.  It was bitterly cold today again, all of -18 when I had to head off to my appointment.  It’s also a record-setting day in Ottawa; we’ve had 59 consecutive hours of snowfall this week and it looks like it wants to try to break that record already.  It was the little fine, driving snow, which blows hard but doesn’t accumulate quickly; it’s dry enough to be brushed off, but the wind makes up for that!  Jerry curled up in my lap, shivering, and wouldn’t move on the way home.  Don was a superstar, taking me to the hospital and waiting… they told me it would be about an hour, but the chemo unit was running a bit late, plus there was all the fun of them saying that they didn’t have my blood work, so lots of excitement.  It worked out well, and I was about
Read more

The surprise!

Image
Gee, I look like my mom in this photo.  Although I suppose that I look like her anyway, but it stands out more here.  I’ll get more into this in a minute, I need to fill you in on other stuff.  First off, the weather is busy being Ottawa winter grey and gloomy, so it’s not encouraging in the slightest.  Dark when you wake up, overcast during the day, dark early… no wonder Jerry doesn’t want to be away from people and cuddles!  He’s perfectly happy to sit on a lap and be stroked when he’s not rampaging around playing with his toy!  Don didn’t sleep too well last night; according to him, he ‘missed his cue’ to go to bed and was awake for hours watching… yes, you guessed it!  He napped a little this morning, but I hope he’ll get a better rest tonight.  Although it’s Saturday, and that means… 🏒 and tomorrow is 🏈 so I’ll just dive into a book somewhere. Yesterday I went in to the hospital to do my blood transfusion.  There was a mixup… I got there and called for a porter and a wheelchair,
Read more